I had a friend once named Bubba. Well, that wasn’t his real name, but it accurately depicts his status in life. Bubba was a good guy though. He’d be ready for a fishing trip, barbecue, or a football game, just as long as beer was involved. In fact, I think that was his main goal in life, and his belly matched his personality.
Now Bubba also loved CB radio. This was back in those halcyon days just after Smokey and The Bandit, when everybody had one in their home as well as their car. And Bubba had quite a few of them. But he wasn’t interested in the normal wimpy power supply, and spindly little antennas those things were normally sold with. Oh, no. Not Bubba. He fixed up some super-duper hyper-amplifier that dimed the lights in the neighborhood whenever he transmitted from the top of his impressive thirty-foot tower.
There was just one problem. Bubba had a nemesis. Somewhere in the city was a rival for king of the CB airwaves who had a better transmitter – and a taller tower. Well this just wouldn’t do. This wouldn’t do at all, so Bubba saved up some money, and purchased a top of the line pre-amplifier that sent out an entire kilowatt of CB energy blasting into the airwaves. Bubba was finally top of the heap, and he blasted that piker right off the air one epic evening to the cheers, and jeers of everyone listening to their radio.
The next morning, however, his radio wouldn’t work. He checked everything out, and found to his dismay that someone had pushed two metal straight pins through his coaxial antenna during the night. This shorted out all of his expensive equipment, by reflecting that entire kilowatt of power right back in again, and frying everything.
Well, this wasn’t going to go unanswered! That evening was time for retribution. So, Bubba, and another like-minded radio-head drove out in the dead of night to his nemesis’ home. Bubba was going to escalate this game of CB thrones by pulling down his rival’s tower. Creeping quietly with a rope, Bubba tied one end to the back bumper, while the “friend,” waited in the get-away car. With the end of the rope between his teeth, Bubba climbed to the very top of the forty-foot tower, and tied the rope.
Just then, his nemesis appeared at the door, and started yelling. Bubba’s “friend,” peeled out, and pulled both the tower – and Bubba down with it. Bubba wound up in the ER with nearly every broken bone there is, and a gargantuan hospital bill, since his insurance took a dim view of his activities, and didn’t cover his injuries. Then, to add insult to real and very painful injury, the police charged Bubba with trespassing, and destruction of property, so he had to defend himself in court. He lost, but due to the nature of his injuries, the judge took pity on him, and gave him court costs, and community service.
But Bubba had the last laugh. He sued his nemesis for not securing his tower properly enough, and won. The judge awarded Bubba enough money to pay all of his hospital bills, court costs, and to replace all of his full kilowatt CB power station – with just enough left over for a six-pack.
And his nemesis? The court ruling forbade him from ever erecting any tower whatsoever in his own back yard, and he had to placate himself with the spindly one that comes in the box. He is very careful never to get on the air when Bubba is.
Bubba gleefully blasts him off into oblivion every single time that he does.
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