End Of The World Predicted
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Isabee Winterwolf Reporter
winterwolfI@icloudy.com
Dateline 2/21/19 – Guam
In one of the most disastrous ecological catastrophes in recorded history, the Ultratanker, Shelton Oil Star sank today off the coast of Guam in the Pacific Ocean’s Mariana Trench. In what is considered by scientists to be the deepest portion of the world’s oceans, the Shelton Oil Star is now resting in water that is a mile deeper than Mount Everest is tall. With all of its 63 million gallons of oil still contained within its intact hold, the Ultratanker represents to the Earth’s ecology a ticking time bomb of unprecedented proportions.
“The amount of crude oil contained within the Shelton Oil Star’s tanks are more than twice as much as the amount spilled by both the Exxon Valdez in 1989, and the Prestige supertanker off the coast of Spain in 2003,” reported Dr. Johanna Zhutu of Greenplace. “This is a horrible threat to all life on Earth,” Dr. Zhutu added glumly. “The oil could burst out of the ruptured tanks at any time.”
And, while it is true, that the sudden appearance of the 63 million gallons of oil into the environment would cause writhing, screaming bloody deaths for the entire world within 24 hours – for the moment we are apparently safe. Scientists expect however, that this won’t last for long. The great ocean pressures existing at the depths the Ultratanker rests will surely crush its tanks at any time. We all must await this cataclysmic event, wringing our hands, and pacing the floor in tormented, sleepless anxiety.
The question still remains though, how did the Ultratanker sank in the first place with its oil tanks intact? Since oil is much lighter than water this alone should have kept the stricken ship on the surface. “There can only be one logical reason for the sinking of so much oil, in such a deep trench where it could cause so much ecological damage,” Dr. Zhutu concluded. “It can only be because it was purposefully done by rich greedy capitalists eager to murder the rest of us so they could own the world’s riches for themselves.”
The owners of the Shelton Oil Star, of course had an excuse for this horrendous act of genocide: “We aren’t sure why the ship sank, and are just as horrified by its loss, and its threat to the environment as everyone else.” Yeah, sure, like we believe that one. And while it’s certain that the greedy owners of the sunken Shelton Oil Star are horrified by the amount of profit lost at the bottom of the ocean, experts all agree that they stand to make even more obscene profits by the death of the rest of the world. One can almost hear them chortling with glee from the shadows in which they lurk.
So, what can we do to fight against this evil plan, and restore the pristine, beautiful Earth to its former magnificence? “Well, there’s nothing we can do,” Dr. Zhutu shook her head sadly. “Not with all that oil so deep in the ocean. All we can do at this time is to hide underneath our beds shrieking hysterically until the end finally comes.”
And so we have it. The rich capitalists have finally won, and destroyed us all. We warned you and warned you and warned you – but you would not listen! Voters elected Trump anyway and so now, this is what happens when uber-rich Republicans are able to run amok, and give favors to their big oil buddies, on the backs of the poor.
BNN – 2019, All rights reserved.
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